Sigh

What are lectures but a sermon lullaby that put your complicated and restless mind to sleep. :(

And there's no escaping either...attendance! And then when the exams arrive...we're all dead.

Bummed

Think of the million random choices that you make, and yet how each and every one of them brings you closer to your destiny.

Do you know why that is?

Because it's not random, it's not chance. It is a plan that is playing itself out perfectly.

Free will's an illusion, Dean.

- Michael, Supernatural

I couldn't agree more.

Amusing

I know of someone who copied a bunch of stuff another person said, and claims that they're her own. I find this highly amusing.

Do yourself a favour, and stop calling others a fake, when you're the real poser. :)

And to you, if you don't wanna talk to me, and you don't wanna care about my life, then why are you still visiting my blog? I know you still come on here to check on me every now and then. You know who you are. :)

Randomness

Yet.

I have to wake up and fight,
I have to try and feel the right.

Winds can either be for or against,
but it depends on the direction, whence;
We can face or walk along,
and that's known, when you see right or wrong.

The sun shall rise forever.
And so should I.
I have a heart, a conscience.
Act like I should and never to let it depend.

So I stir my emotions,
and redraw illusions.
The broken walls resurface;
Assumptions, again, form the base.

I carry my grit and perception.
I walk towards alleviation.
Of the past, as it was,
and for a future with a cause.

And this shall go on,
for awhile, as long.
Water can defy gravity,
by losing it's liquidity.

Walls, boundaries, can move,
but a set field is needed too.
Air I breathe,
and that is what life needs.

Fresh and alive,
oxygenated and right.
And all this rose.
For right now I choose.

Again, I will.
For I have the will.
Nothing remains still.
And so I will move the still.

Waiting

Come February 2nd 2010, one of the best tv series ever made will be back for its final season. And I for one, simply cannot wait! :)

:)

A very wise quote from Melodee..

When your life gives you shit, make a chocolate milkshake out of it and give it to your enemies.

Hahahhaha, this is funny man! You really brightened up my day with just that. Thanks babe!

Random

It's only been a few days into the new year and the problems are already starting to pour in..

Why oh why?

Really tired of all the politics and everything. I shall lock myself up over the weekend and be available to no one but myself.

I try, I think, and I wonder where all of this is heading to. I honestly have no clue.

I think what I really need now is a change. Yes, a change. Change is good. Maybe it'll take away all my troubles.

This post is so random but I don't really care...

So many things on my mind, most of which are jumbled up...I need some me-time to sort out my thoughts like I used to..but lately time hasn't been one of my friends..

I desperately need to sort my thoughts out, because I've been pushing away so many issues that come to my mind for far too long. They're starting to trouble me.

I'll be free tomorrow though. Looking forward to it. Finally, some time to myself in the midst of the ongoing madness.. I might actually blog about some of those thoughts...if I'm not too tired that is. I seriously miss writing.

After all that has happened, I can't help but wonder. I have so many doubts. So many questions that have been left unanswered. I guess the only person who can help me out now is God eh.

Whatever it is, I believe I'll get through everything with just a little more faith.

Just gotta have a little more faith.. :)

Life lessons

Today is the last day of 2009! Time REALLY flies. I still feel like it's 2008, and when I was writing about the last day of 2008...

2009 has been just as special a year as 2008 was for me. 2009 marked the beginning of a brand new chapter in my life. Everyone headed to different schools, made new friends, learned new stuff, and grew up a little more. I for one, learned a lot more about myself and grew up in many ways over those 365 days and nights.

The three golden lessons I learned in 2009, are still the three golden lessons I learnt last year, only in a harsher way.

1) Never believe an ounce of what people are telling you about others until you yourself find out the whole truth.
2) Sweet-sounding does not always mean sweet person, and unfortunately that may take a long time to figure out.
3) People that care about you will continue to care about you no matter what, the rest will vanish over time and space.

I met a whole bunch of new friends in Ngee Ann, and in the first semester I was somewhat happy, but I didn't feel whole. It just didn't feel..right. The pals I made in semester one weren't exactly like the friends I made in secondary school. I had to constantly remind myself that not everyone was that simple after going through a little hell. Sure, I met a bunch of nice people there, but I also met a few people who were/are my "friends" simply because they wanted to gain something out of me.

I've met people from all walks of life this year. And it's really been an eye opener. I think I'm a pretty lucky kid. I've also seen people who are so full of themselves..selfish, ignorant pricks.

There's one pest in particular, who just won't leave me alone, even after I switched classes. Thought I'd gotten rid of this particular person when I switched classes. But God decided he hasn't had enough fun with me. He decided to place this particular person in my IS class. And this person later went to to be in my group. Hooray for me!

Now I have to smile and joke with this person even when this person keeps making horrible remarks all the time. Simply because I do not want things to be awkward when we're doing our projects together. My friends have told me to tell this person off, but I won't. Because I refuse to be just like this person. I shall live and let live. :)

Also, it was through this that I actually found out who my true friends were. So I don't regret anything.

I switched classes in semester 2, and was dreading making new friends all over again. But guess what? I've never been happier! I've made a few friends whom I know will stick by my side, and stand by me no matter what happens.

I feel like I've really grown up this year. I've seen so many things and I've been through so much this entire year, I can't even believe it's actually going to be over!

Although 2009 has been an exhausting year, with so much of my energy getting drained by schoolwork, projects and other stuff, I wouldn't trade the experiences for anything. I'm glad I lived through all these emotions, and I'm thankful I never once looked back. I may have questioned myself a few times over the year on whether or not my sacrifices were worth it, but deep down I knew I'd never give up. I may have thought about giving up a few times but I knew that at the end of the day, that'd only be a thought, because I am so much stronger than that.

I've cut off certain ties with a few friends, lost a few good ones, but in the process forged new and stronger friendships.

2009 has indeed been a very special year in my life. A year that made me take many new steps ahead for my own personal development. I learned to bite my tongue and bear the pain somehow when I couldn't take it anymore.. I watched as my heart was being ripped apart in the open, yet I stood there watching it all and coping with it all somehow. And I walked out of it alive, stronger and able than before, and that's all that matters somehow.

Am heading out to meet the crazies soon to usher in the new year, looking forward to it! :)

I'm not going to make any resolutions this year because I've never followed them through.. But I'm going to make sure that 2010 is going to be another memorable year.

Here's hoping for a better year! Cheerios! ;)

Thoughts

Laugh.
I wear no masks.
I can feel the breath.

I float, I exist.
Yet surreal is this reality.
Is this real?

Threads of attachment,
the longing dreams.
Strange propositions,
paths completely different.

I search for colours,
that can be used to paint the masks.
But the taint, seems to stay in vain.

I have no words.
I have a sense of hope, alone.
I know better worlds, and live in them.
Yet here it turns stiff.

I can hear you far away.
But you don't seem to have a face.
Is this a stance,
which I have to bear for long?

I listen within,
I search, search,
look and finally in despair,
hope.

But I know,
this is a passing.
And when the sun speaks,
clarity will be seen.

And strife, driven away.
But now an angst, seems to seize.

I carry it along, in belief,
that bitter is a taste as well.

But where?
All it takes, is a left and another left,
to undo a right.
Knowledge does cause a fright.

But this seeming negativity,
is as marginal as a node.
But real or not, it does exist.
As if existence is a guarantee.

I hope everything evaporates.
And I alone condense.
Sans the condescending plight.

And when I am so formed,
I will fall upon and rise like the tides.
In knowledge, that every up has a down.

And when the shore is flooded,
nothing does matter.
Comrades, do try to appease.
And there born is a belief.

But if this thought is on premises,
then in the land of virtues and vices,
I seek one common wisdom.

I stand upon,
I see, I speak,
I exist, because I think.

Christmas

Met up with Asyraf and Stephanie to celebrate Christmas together yesterday. :)

But Guannie backed out last minute. :(

Had a really good time though. Gossipping, bitching, shopping and stuff! We wanted to go explore but SOMETHING cropped up and basically wasted our time. =/ (I shall not be as bitchy as Asyraf! :p)

Asyraf and I turned anti-social yesterday too! Haha.

Spent the day at Orchard but by 7+ it was so packed, people weren't even looking at the decorations, everyone was busy trying to push through... Not a very pleasant experience if you ask me.

So, we decided to head over to Marina. It was much better there. :)

Grabbed some food before heading over to the open area outside the Esplanade to chill. Saw a little groom and bride! Haha, they were really adorable!

And then Asyraf started singing(as usual, *rolls eyes*) to the songs the band was playing. Hahaha. Stayed for the second gig but left after 5 minutes cos it wasn't really that good.. walked around, took photos. I think we started heading back at around 11 or close to 11, but got lost. Lol. Thank god for Asyraf! :D

Reached home at 12am...forgot to bring my iTouch out so if Stephanie didn't talk to me on the phone, I think I would've died of fright during the walk home alone.. haha.

It was a tiring day but I enjoyed it, because I was with my pals, and like what they always say, it's the company that matters, right? ;)

Hope everyone had a great Christmas this year! I know I did! :)

Love!

Hmm

I try to reflect,
but my mind refuses to flex.
Sometimes, a second lasts for a decade;
yet hours can turn into minutes.

Consciousness is in a state
whose allegiances are not frail.
Everything exists because everyone thinks it does.

What if nothing does exist?
What is all of this anyway?

Confused? Maybe.
But what is clarity anyway?
"Pure water"? How is it pristine?

So we perceive. So we do.
Only wished we had a better imagination.

Life

I'm sorry I grew up.

Play on

Even when the floodgates swing wide open,
never let the current take you down.
Even when you're not sure where you're going,
swimming through a mess and you can't get out..
Just going through the motions,
trying not to drown..

Play on, when you're losing the game.
Play on, cos you're gonna make mistakes.
It's always worth the sacrifice,
even when you think you're wrong.
So, play on.

Even through a storm on the darkest night,
don't you ever give up the fight..
Even when you feel you're all alone..
Play on.

Random

Woman! I was looking through the photos I took of your birthday card just now..and I realised something.

Compared to Asyraf, Gillian and Kit Guan's handwriting...











Mine like very ugly hor? =(

But then again, I think Kit Guan's is not much better off. :D

Beauty

I've been thinking about how much one's soul is like the butterfly..it has the wings and it's free to fly, only if it's given a chance. The butterfly flies freely with no aimed direction, but it flies anyway. It just wanders away so gracefully...sometimes it gets chased by people who try to catch it, sometimes it rests on a leaf in heavy storms and rains..sometimes its wings break and it falls down..just like the soul.

Sometimes we get distracted by many obstacles in life such as sickness, the loss of a loved one and bad times.. Sometimes others try to make our lives more difficult and stop us from going ahead. Some friends let you down and you feel hopeless about tomorrow..but whose life is free of pain? Life doesn't always give you the answers. Your soul is the butterfly you are holding from flying free - holding from healing and growth. Give it a chance..set it free, give yourself a chance to reach the inner beauty and capabilities that you may possess.

Don't always live in comparison and in doubt..that you may not have
what the other has, is not always a sad thing. It could be a blessing in disguise and what you have received is what you ought to have received.. and you should live life the way you were supposed to and not in another man's path - then you may find the real you and be content with it. So step into your path, and allow yourself to be free, take chances and wander off freely.. find your true self. For butterflies are meant to fly and soar in high spirits, so is your soul. So let your soul do the flying that's needed to find the real you...